What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're too hungover to prance.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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