Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
