i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
