I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So much rum. So many feels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
