So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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