I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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