hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
