I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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