its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ttyl tear gas
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
