I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
