he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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