He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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