He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
