At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
