just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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