Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
