we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
