He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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