ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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