i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
