Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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