i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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