not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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