Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
