Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
3 2 1 whiskey
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
