I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
