you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
