My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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