Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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