No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
