In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
