Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
