I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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