we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The ass gains better be worth it
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