I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
