Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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