OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
