She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
