Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
