Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
