I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
