Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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