my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
