Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize