I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
