she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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