I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
