If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
