Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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