wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
