There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
