I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
