Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
