life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
