Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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