he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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