I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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