she woke up with a sticky ear
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
