you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
