I wish I could teleport
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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