Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
