Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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