so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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