I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
