Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
